Today I got an anonymous email informing me that I should repent of my heathenish ways and beg god for his mercy.
Now, I've gotten many of these previously, as I'm sure many of you have - but there was one big difference with this email that I find too funny not to share.
I need to believe in jesus because I'm just "too pretty to go to hell."
Yes, that's what he/she wrote.
Yes, I'm serious.
I guess that's a better reason than "because my invisible friend said so."
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I bet it's Vera. Terry has four hundred thousand wives, and Sye called you ugly.
ReplyDeleteAs per Ray's recent post, homosexuality and genderfucking is allowed by God (after all, Ray is a bride of Christ and Jesus is his "bridegroom"), so Vera's probably all about your hottness.
[sleaziness activate]Besides, if you went to Heaven, you'd make it feel as hot as Hell OH YES[/sleaziness deactivate]
I never, ever, ever get emails telling me I'm going to hell. Not even on my old blog. You're lucky you have something to laugh at. All I ever get is dumb assed political forwards from my misguided relatives.
ReplyDeleteSo, what have we learned today? Only ugly people should go to hell. *sigh* :::making an appointment for make over:::
Shaggy...
ReplyDeleteReally? If it were any of the females who hang around, I'd put my money on Jean - she seems to be mildly obsessed with me.
I lol'd at your 'sleaziness' - I think I've had creepier things said to me on a bus. There was an older guy the other day who asked to smell my hair.
NM,
ReplyDeleteI don't know what the deal is, I get one of these emails every couple months from some well-meaning but clearly misguided theist.
And you don't need a make over. I love that picture of you, you look adorable!
Thank you, Maragon!
ReplyDeleteMy money's on Jean.
ReplyDeleteBut what a compliment! Too pretty to go to hell. It's true tho'
nonmagic, you're a babe too, and also belong in the "get out of hell free due to cuteness" club
Stew,
ReplyDeleteThanks! Maybe if a fundy ever tells me I'm going to hell I'll play the cuteness card.
Wow. I'm not sure that I've ever seen Christ used as a pick-up line before.
ReplyDeleteRob - how about "This is my body. Eat it."?
ReplyDeleteI think that Vera or Guitar425 are the likely culprits. Ray is probably the least likely, but in my opinion, the creepiest.
ReplyDelete@ KiwiInOz:
ReplyDeletelol
Not quite what that meant...
But I suppose that some one could do that. ^_^
Yeah Maragon, how can we do it if you're in hell and I'm in heaven?
ReplyDeleteI would be remiss if I did not point out that I have noticed in your picture that you do have some nice assets, Maragon.
ReplyDeleteAnd Non magic is cuter than a bug's ear and you're both younger than my youngest daughter so I consider you little girls so don't even get the idea that I'm hitting on you!
ReplyDeleteThat is ine of the advantages of being my age. I get to twell girls of any age how pretty they are even right in front of my wife!
@ dale
ReplyDeleteI'm only 27, so right now I'm only able to hit on girls 9 and under in front of my wife. Life is going to be awesome in about 2 years.
I'm really offended that not one of you have even mentioned how totally fucking insanely handsome I am.
ReplyDeleteI suspect jealousy.
Lance,
ReplyDeleteI must say, you are quite the hunk-
send beer!
Jason,
ReplyDelete***Double face palm***
Leave it to you!
You know, if you were of the opposite persuasion, I'd point out that those Catholic girls can be pretty hot (ie. inspiration to give up your atheistic ways).
ReplyDeleteThat not being the case, however...
Lemme just say that I'm a guy, but if I were a girl, and I knew Christian dudes were pursuing me:
Ewwwwwwww
Jason said...
ReplyDeleteYeah Maragon, how can we do it if you're in hell and I'm in heaven?
Is there sex in heaven? I read somewhere that god takes away all of your 'naughty parts' and urges when you get to cloud city....so, I was like, fuck that, I'm an atheist.
dale said...
I would be remiss if I did not point out that I have noticed in your picture that you do have some nice assets, Maragon.
Thank you Dale! I've noticed you posting more as of late...did you MISS us?
Lance Christian Johnson said...
I'm really offended that not one of you have even mentioned how totally fucking insanely handsome I am.
I suspect jealousy.
Lance, you're totally fucking insanely handsome. Please change your name to "Hotbod Handsomeface" to reflect this fact.
Also, you're an English teacher. And I had a huge crush on my English teacher in high school, and you kinda look like him....just sayin'.
Lance,
ReplyDeleteSee, I knew your intellect would prevail. So, you are sooooo smart and you attract all the hot babes
I fully expect Weemaryanne to declare that she wants to jump your bones too. OK, You get all the girls. You lucky bum.
Maragon,
ReplyDeleteYou said,
"Thank you Dale! I've noticed you posting more as of late...did you MISS us?"
Maragon,
I survive by the interfacing that I find here, other sites, and my local "Cronies."
There is no way that I could ever convey my disgust with the religious maginations that prevail in our society. I am much more active in this than you could know, but I thank you for your ongoing support and all the others here at Raytactors.
I consider this to be a very objective and useful site to frequent.
\ And yes, I do rather love you all! ***I do mean that***
Also, you're an English teacher. And I had a huge crush on my English teacher in high school, and you kinda look like him....just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteWell that sure puts a smile on my face.
Your friend,
Hotbod Christian Handsomeface
Aw, what a wonderful thread. Everybody telling everyone else how pretty they are.
ReplyDeletePersonally, I think you're all hot. Except for the ugly people.
And yeah Maragon, lust is a sin, so in heaven we'd all be turned into one of these.
@maragon--
ReplyDeleteI think I've had creepier things said to me on a bus. There was an older guy the other day who asked to smell my hair.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yeah, I know. That was me.
Well, I guess I killed the hell out of THAT thread...
ReplyDelete