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Friday, September 19, 2008

Why Hello There...

So I decided to bite the bullet and become an official Raytractor. I would go more in depth of who I am, but I thought it would be more prudent to present this little bit of information.

A little while ago today, say at around 10:30 AM EST, I was reading the various atheist and scientific blogs which I frequent when a knock came from the door. I peered through the window to see two old ladies dressed in the fasion old ladies dress. I figured "Hey, maybe they need help with something." and I opened the door.

Then I heard the dreaded line.

"Sorry to take some of your time, but we're Jehovah's witnesses." A line which was followed by a lot of smiling and nodding on my part. I told them I was in a hurry and needed to go somewhere soon and they handed me two Jehovah's witness magazines. Then my fun began. I was giddy with laughter. The pictures in this entry represent some of the images contained in their literature.

I really like this one.

Aside from the images in them, there is no shortage of insanity in these pamphlets. A brief list:

  • Concurrent blood flow in animals were intelligently designed to keep animals warm.
  • The bible describes the water cycle. (Isiah 55:10)
  • Global warming is Earth's fever. And the only prescription is more cowbell....err....more Jesus.
And for all the children out there, they even have little quizzes!


  1. I knew all along all we needed was more cowbell.

  2. I wonder if I can sue Jehova's witnesses if my 10 year old gets mauled by the cheetah, which he hugged trying to mimic these fine books filled with god's word.

  3. Welcome Yaeger! Five stars for mentioning cowbell.

    "Concurrent blood flow in animals were intelligently designed to keep animals warm."

    LOL Those Jehovah pamphlets are pretty nutty, did this one by any chance happen to say "watchtower" on it? Those are usually the ones I get.

  4. Yep - Teh Witnesses are about as fringe as religion gets.

    I grew up in a Baha'i household in a very rural town. Without going into detail, Baha'is are very accepting of other religions, and don't spend time trying to save people.

    Jehova's Witnesses used to visit our house a few times a year. After a couple of attempts to engage them in dialogue (as opposed to just listening and nodding), we realized they weren't interested in discussion. So, we developed a defense strategy:

    We would only take their pamphlets if they agreed to take some of ours.

    Worked like a charm; our house eventually became the only one they refused to visit.

  5. Whateverman,

    Nice strategy, but my strategy was more like locking all the doors, turning off the lights, and hiding in a corner of the house.

  6. when I was eight they once asked me if I really believed humans descended from apes. I told them, I didn't because we are apes, but they somehow didn't listen (strange, isn't it: My parents are both religious, but they did teach me evolution)
    Well those old ladies stopped visiting us, after the dog found out how to open the kitchen door.
    It was a pretty impressive dog...

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  8. Interesting off topic piece of trivia-

    Christopher Walken has a genetic condition called heterochromia, which is a difference in the color of each eye (one of his is blue and the other is brown).

  9. They're remarkably tenacious; don't rule out trained attack weasels...

    EDIT: spelink

  10. Your pamphlet is cooler than the one I got a month ago. It still had the creepy, smiling sheeple, but emblazoned on the front were the words "ALL SUFFERING TO END". They were talking about the day of judgement, and only in relation to "their" suffering. Non-believers are exempt from the end of suffering, we'll still suffer-ALOT.

    Hey, at least mine had some actual science in it. They now claim that original sin is passed down through DNA. I shit you not!

  11. Duh liz, don't you know what the amino acid sequence for sin is?



  12. "What is missing from this picture?"


  13. I used to spend more than an hour a week talking to the JW's. I knew they didn't listen to a word I said but it really helped me tighten up my arguments.
    And I liked to think that it kept them from bugging other people for a while.
    And of course the magazines have really cool pictures in them.
    Anyway, They gave me a copy of "Life How did it get here? By evolution or by creation?" which is a 250 page book about how wrong evolution is and how great the bible is.
    I read it and made several pages of notes. Pointed out logical mistakes and quote mining and that kind of stuff. I showed them the notes.
    It's been 2 years and they haven't come back. I saw them skipping my house a while ago.
    Guess they don't want to talk to me. :-(

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  16. Hey Yaeger,

    A few weeks ago I had a similar visit. I did not try to determine what these two young guys were (Jehova's witnesses, evangelicals ... by the way, did you see the why I became an atheist by that lady at TED? I do not remember her name, but it was hilarious). Anyway, these two guys ask me if I had any doubts about God's existence, I say, of course not! They smile widely, and tell me, oh so you have no doubts! Nope. (they keep smiling, but then they notice something in my expression, is this guy smiling too? Why does he look like he is containing a laugh?) So you know that God exists? (hopeful, interrogating, stare). I think you better go visit someone else. They did not know what to make of it, so off they go. Have a nice day (I said).


  17. More cowbell! Hahahahaha. Didn't notice in that skit that Chris Walken had one blue and one brown eye! Cool. Like David Bowie. Anyway, I think the literature is awesome. That little boy with the cheetah is a picture showing what paradise on earth will be like. The Bible promises that, and it's something the kids can look forward to. I'd like to say, too, that suffering will end for ALL. We don't know exactly who Jehovah will have mercy on and protect through the end Tribulation. We can't say it will be ONLY JWs. I think it's an honor to be a JW, but there will surely be others that haven't heard the Gospel and would need to be taught--during Christ's Thousand-Year Reign, as will millions of resurrected people. And lots of children and mentally challenged folks. Jehovah is a merciful God. He's after the real creeps, the ones that are making this earth a mess and are responsible for the deaths of millions.

    I always hid and didn't my door either, before I became a JW. I heard what they believed at a friend's house and I was impressed. I don't understand why the people you all talked to really didn't listen to what you said. I always do. And they tell us at the Kingdom Hall to really LISTEN to people. It is pretty nerve-wracking to go to peoples' houses, though, and most of us are nervous. Please have some mercy on us. It's not easy doing what we do.

  18. The JWs visited me a few weeks ago. They never told me they were from that group until the very end when they handed over two watchtower mags and left.
    I had given them a quick rundown of my views and knowledge, and they never came back.

  19. Hey Igor,
    Sue the Bible's Author, GOD, Heis the one who said at "(Isaiah 11:6-9) 6 And the wolf will actually reside for a while with the male lamb, and with the kid the leopard itself will lie down, and the calf and the maned young lion and the well-fed animal all together; and a mere little boy will be leader over them. 7 And the cow and the bear themselves will feed; together their young ones will lie down. And even the lion will eat straw just like the bull. 8 And the sucking child will certainly play upon the hole of the cobra; and upon the light aperture of a poisonous snake will a weaned child actually put his own hand. 9 They will not do any harm or cause any ruin in all my holy mountain; because the earth will certainly be filled with the knowledge of Jehovah as the waters are covering the very sea."

    Really, you should think before you blog.

  20. I find it immensely entertaining that someone lecturing others on the need for thinking fails to spell his own name correctly.

    More to the point, the Bible is a collection of parables and bronze-age wisdom and perhaps even a few historically accurate factoids.

    Only the moderately retarded would assume that we'll be hugging cheetahs in heaven.

  21. If things in heaven give up the qualities that make them those things, then how can they even be considered those things?

    If a cheetah doesn't attack like a cheetah would, is it really a cheetah?

    Christians always say we have free will but then it magically goes away in heaven?

  22. I think that the cheetah was originally supposed to be peaceful with humans. I think that it was after the Fall of man that the animals were made wary of humans.

    And I'm talking about life on this earth, not in heaven. God promises a cleaned-up earth in eventual paradise conditions, with no sickness, no death, no anxiety like we have today. We'll regain our youth and we'll be able to do the things we love every day for ever.

    Hey, more cowbell!!! I don't think folks are getting the point!


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