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Tuesday, September 30, 2008

God Hates McDonald's

From Ray's latest attempt at...whatever it is he's attempting these days;

"One unique aspect to the life of an Academy-Award winning superstar who died recently, was that he was married to the same woman for an amazing 50 years. He once told Playboy magazine (when asked if he was tempted to stray), "I have steak at home, why go out for hamburger?" The problem with such a philosophy is, what happens when the steak gets a little tough? It’s then that a juicy hamburger begins to look pretty inviting."

I really don't think Ray intended that to read as badly as it does. We know that he has trouble understanding metaphors, analogies, fairy-tales, sarcasm, scientific theories and a host of other things. It does look like he's calling Mrs. Newman 'tough', but I can let that slide. It's what comes next that really blows my mind...

"The Christian safeguards his marriage by cultivating the fear of the Lord. That is the sure fire way to fireproof any marriage....

"That knowledge keeps his eyes off all those delicious hamburgers, and that safeguards his marriage."

So Ray is kept from indulging in some crazy, extra-marital, burger-orgies because he's scared that his voyeuristic sky-daddy will see and get all angry and smitey? Has the man no control over his own body? Unbelievable.

The extra-funny thing is; "Newman was also a vocal supporter of gay rights and, in particular, same-sex marriage." - from wiki. Ha!

PS. if all these posts are being published in relation to some crisis in Ray's own marriage, then I hope that they resolve their differences, either way, in a mature and amicable manner - I know there can be some tricky arguments when a multi-million dollar business is involved.

PPS. Dale, I hope 'one of god's watchman' doesn't crash your thread like he did mine!


  1. If he posts my comment, I'm pretty sure he'll quote it.

  2. just to be safe maybe fundies should learn to reproduce asexually. No need to take any chances.

  3. I wonder if Ray has nightmare's of giant vagina's chasing after him???

  4. I posted this in response -

    Religion % have been divorced
    Jews 30%
    Born-again Christians 27%
    Other Christians 24%
    Atheists, Agnostics 21%

    Barna Research Group

    George Barna, president and founder of Barna Research Group, commented:

    "While it may be alarming to discover that born again Christians are more likely than others to experience a divorce, that pattern has been in place for quite some time. Even more disturbing, perhaps, is that when those individuals experience a divorce many of them feel their community of faith provides rejection rather than support and healing. But the research also raises questions regarding the effectiveness of how churches minister to families. The ultimate responsibility for a marriage belongs to the husband and wife, but the high incidence of divorce within the Christian community challenges the idea that churches provide truly practical and life-changing support for marriages."

  5. Has anyone noticed though the last few posts have all just been- look go watch Kirk's movie

  6. As we all are aware, the best way to fireproof one's marriage is through gypsum plaster.

  7. Beamstalk,

    Bingo! I was looking for that study. Thanks.

    We're still using asbestos.

  8. Heathen! Only the godless use asbestos!

  9. That's the difference between Christians and atheists. They openly admit that they need the threat of Hell to do the right thing, while we do the right thing because it's the right thing.

  10. I was waiting for Ray to mention Newman, though he didn't use his name. I posted on that thread, and the Getting Nervous one. Waiting to see if they're allowed. I simply stated that Newman didn't cheat on his wife out of love and respect, rather than fear of your imaginary sky daddy. One of my favorite actors. Remember; sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand.

  11. So in other words "hunny I don't cheat on you because god's watching" How romantic.....

  12. Yeah, if god wasn't watching I'd be fucking everything that moves. That's what they mean.

  13. Dale,

    I found this chart even more interesting:

    Denomination (in order of decreasing divorce rate)

    % who have been divorced
    Non-denominational ** 34%
    Baptists 29%
    Mainline Protestants 25%
    Mormons 24%
    Catholics 21%
    Lutherans 21%

    Catholics and Lutherans are on par with Agnostics/Atheists. According to Ray Catholicism is a false religion. Not sure what he thinks of Lutherans.

    ** Barna uses the term "non-denominational" to refer to Evangelical Christian congregations that are not affiliated with a specific denomination. The vast majority are fundamentalist in their theological beliefs.

    Basically as it is even further broken down, fundi marriages do even more poorly.

  14. Which Lutheran are they talking about there though? Lex or Mr. Vandross?

  15. Oh, I was assuming Lex. I had not considered Mr. Vandross.

  16. This comment has been removed by the author.

  17. I was rather of the impression Mr Vandross wasn't likely to be interested in the sort of marriage Ray would approve of.

  18. The marriage of burger and donut?

  19. I'm not fond of McDonald's either. Nor can I bring myself to say, "I do like looking at juicy burgers!" as a metaphor.

    Ray is retarded. I'm sure his wife his flattered knowing that only hellfire makes Ray keep his banana in his pants.

  20. Well, I am an Elitist Bastard(tm) and I would never deign to subjigate my palate to the abonimations emanating from McDonalds. In other words, I'm not lovin it.

    I do, however like my Woodward rare.

  21. So, if his invisible friend shut his eyes for 15 minutes, Ray would fuck everything that couldn't run fast enough to get away.

    I guess that's nice to know.

    I'm going to go practice running now.

  22. NM:

    Do you mean practice running away from Ray, or practice running toward him?

  23. Rufus, when I get you back for all I owe you it's gonna hurt. ;)

  24. Ah, nonmagic, I see you and Ray running toward one another in slow motion, with arms open wide, at Huntington Beach. You embrace each and fall to the sand and begin a scene that will make people forget all about Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr in From Here to Eternity.

    "Oh, Ray, HBKS me, HBKS me"!

    "You brazen, false convert hussy! Let my rod and staff COMFORT you"!

    Sweet dreams.

  25. Rufus,

    I think you have scarred me for life. I'm curious though, in this fantasy does Ray have tracts fluttering around him as he embraces in a kiss??

  26. No, Ray uses his Million Dollar tracts as condoms.

  27. I rather think you'll find Ray uses his personality as birth control.

  28. Rufus,

    THWAP !!!!!!!! I swear if I could beat you through my screen I would!!

  29. What are you upset about, nonmagic? That was beautiful, and a thing of beauty is a joy forever.

  30. [snap]

    Eye... twitching...

    Hey, Rufus, want me to draw another parody?


    On second thoughts, I'm not that insane. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to warm up the doomsday device.


  31. Quasar:

    Maybe I'll work on a little story and you can do the illustrations. A graphic novel about Ray's and NM's great love affair. It'll blow Frank Miller out of the water.


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