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Friday, September 12, 2008

And Now We Are Forty

Cheerfully swiped from The Acts of the Apostles, Chapter 2 (New International Version).  Weemaryanne's improvements (?) appear in brackets [thus-like].

 1When the day of Pentecost came, they [The Raytractors] were all together in one [unholy] place. 2Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind [or possibly a Burtonfart] came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. [And lo, the stench was profound. Verily.]

3They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them. [And they promptly rose and poured beer one upon the other, forinasmuchas the alcohol content thereof is low enough that the liquid may extinguish flames.

And then they did lament, for verily, it was Lance C. Johnson's homebrew which was poured out upon the furniture.]

4All of them were filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit enabled them. [And the most energetic amongst them made multiple thoughtful and eloquent blog posts, and Weemaryanne spoke in Doggerel, and the rest endured Weemaryanne's doggerel with the bestest of good grace.] 

 5Now there were staying in Jerusalem God-fearing Jews from every nation under heaven. 6When they heard this sound, a crowd came together in bewilderment, because each one heard them speaking in his own language. 7Utterly amazed, they asked: "Are not all these men  who are speaking Galileans? [Why, no, and they're not all men either, dumbass.]

8Then how is it that each of us hears them in his own native language? 9Parthians, Medes and Elamites; residents of Mesopotamia, Judea and Cappadocia, Pontus and Asia, 10Phrygia and Pamphylia, Egypt and the parts of Libya near Cyrene; visitors from Rome 11 (both Jews and converts to Judaism); Cretans and Arabs-we hear them declaring the wonders of God in our own tongues!" 12Amazed and perplexed, they asked one another, "What does this mean?"

[And MacGyver Jr. replied, "Who the heck knoweth? But if thou hast a suggestion, then verily, thou shouldst become a Raytractor and get in thy two cents' worth."]

 13Some, however, made fun of them and said, "They have had too much wine." [Which seemeth unlikely, as had they been drinking wine when the flying fire arrived then the place would have gone up in a great conflagration, yea verily youbetcha.]

(Courtesy of biblegateway.com)


Seeing as there are now forty of us, and the number forty keeps popping up in the Bible (probably just a mnemonic device, a holdover from the days before the bible was written down), I had the idea to write some doggerel featuring the names of each and every one of The Raytractors.  

Then I realized I was feverish.  So, instead, I swiped someone else's non-copyright doggerel and took shameless liberties with it. 

Then I took some aspirin and now I'm going to go lie down. Any malaise that can cause symptoms like that should not be trifled with.


  1. I want more! Sodom & Gemorrah next! Yay!

  2. (weakly)

    Sodom and Gomorrah?

    Uh, I think my fever is spiking....

  3. Thanks Wee...I feel so special for being included :)

  4. You know, in both the Greek and Hebrew, the words for "evil spirit" also translate into "Bad breath."

    I've had some fun with that one before.

  5. And the Raytractors were in that unholy place and after Jesus had arisen he came unto them and they said unto him,
    "How's Elvis?"


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