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Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Jeebus

Joshua S Black in the “Kicking and Screaming” thread
https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=5823596693953871104&postID=8608315293605607875

“The place is the same--Hell. The length of the sentence is the same--eternity. But the intensity of the torment is not the same--more for hypocritical preachers than for prostitutes,
fiercer for Americans who have heard about Jesus than for Asians who haven't.

I was going to ask exactly what this last sentence means, but I thought better of it. I think it has to do with the fact that Jesus always votes conservative Republican, so, he takes his wrath out even harsher on those that don’t toe the party line. I wonder what he has in store for Asian-Americans, though?

16 comments:

  1. God doesn't want China to win any gold medals at the Olympics.

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  2. What a kind, loving God to lighten up on the torture for the slightly guilty souls. Praise the Lord!

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  3. Joshua S. Black,

    How the fuck do you know any of this?

    Is there any Biblical basis for saying that the "intesity of the torment" in hell varies? Even more jaw-dropping is his assertion that he knows specifically how badly various types of people will be tormented.

    Who will suffer more:

    Sincere American prostitutes or hypocritical Asian prositutes?

    American Mormon garbage men or left-handed Brazilian preachers who carve graven images and believe in evolution?

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  4. Josh Black is dumber than Ray Comfort. And almost as proud of it.

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  5. Geoff sez:

    Joshua S. Black,

    How the fuck do you know any of this?


    Joshua cites two biblical passages as evidence of this: Matthew 10:15, and Luke 20:47. If you read through them, you'll see that they don't really support Josh's contention that there are different levels of punishment in Hell, and even if you allow that they do, that means that turning away evangelists gets you more punishment than butt sex.

    Trying to understand a fundie's thought processes is like taking bad acid.

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  6. "Who will suffer more:

    Sincere American prostitutes or hypocritical Asian prositutes?

    American Mormon garbage men or left-handed Brazilian preachers who carve graven images and believe in evolution?"
    This is brilliant. It's like some sort of twisted math test. I want to see more of these questions.

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  7. JicamaEater sez:

    Who will suffer more:

    Actually, I think they have a big flowchart in Hell for this purpose. c^_^ɔ

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  8. So, does Jesus audit Hell anually to make sure they are in compliance with Standard Operating Torture Procedures?

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  9. (Excerpt of a conversation overheard in Hell:)

    Melchom: "We have to hurry! He'll be here next week!"

    Belphegor: "Who?

    Melchom: "Jesus, that's who! "

    Belphegor: "Uh...so? Aren't the Hispanics traditionally Ronwe's department?

    Melchom: "Not 'Hey-zeus', you dolt! JESUS!!! As in 'Sweet Zombie Jesus'!!!"

    Belphegor: "Him??? Why?"

    Melchom: "Because it's time for our Infernal Suffering Optimization compliance audit."

    Belphegor: "Uh...our what?"

    Melchom: "Our ISO-9001 audit, you misbegotten wretch!"

    Belphegor: "Oh crap! Hey, everybody! Jesus is coming...everyone look busy!"

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  10. *sigh*

    I love when fundies try to make their failure of a scare tactic (hell) even scarier and still end up with a bowl of fail.

    So, their mythological place of torment will worse for me because I heard and didn't believe? Great. That still doesn't make it more real and they still have no evidence that it exists.

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  11. Trip, that's probably what's going on, only the demons would be busy having anal sex and laughing about how everyone in hell are confused about why kittens don't turn into roadside pylons or something.

    At least to Joshua S. Black. I quote you...

    Shaggy wrote: "It never made sense to me why Satan would so willingly provide God with a place to send bad people to suffer, rather than a potential, awesome, sinful alternative where the Godless could party it up in hedonistic sodomy. Instead, it's like Satan isn't really trying to fight the power."

    Satan didn't make Hell. God did (Matthew 25:41).

    And Satan can't out-manuever God, anyway. He still has to ask God for permission to do anything to any of God's servants (Job 1-2; Luke 22:31-32).

    These are not sarcastic answers, these are Scripture's answers to your query. I hope you become one of God's children soon, so God can protect you from him. God bless,

    Joshua


    June 14, 2008 5:55 AM

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  12. More Deep Thoughts from Joshua:

    How could hatred of the Jews be based on a Book written almost exclusively by Jews--which Book explicitly condemns those who mistreat the Jews (Gen. 12, Isa. 1, etc.)?

    Ah, but such is the logic of atheism.

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  13. You people need to settle down.. There is a very logical explanation for this, even though it is extra-biblical.

    Apparently, the ones who have just pissed of Jesus a little bit go to the part of hell where all the snowballs go. It would be a tad cooler there.

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  14. Milo, did you point out that the Jews killed Jesus?

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  15. Joshua Black freaks me out in alot of ways.

    I think that he and Vera should have to under go forced sterilization. Y'know, just to be on the safe side.

    Lets throw in Sye for good measure.

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  16. And if I accept evolutionary theory but refrain from carving any images while prostituting myself (or someone else), is my guilt less than if I had rejected evolution while carving gargoyles and lining up my next customer? Or vice versa?

    Apparently we must ask ourselves these questions.

    Nogod knows why.

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