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Sunday, October 12, 2008

An Open Letter to Vera


This note comes to you in reference to your conversation with me and JRK 87 at Ray's Post, "Oh Dear."

While it is wildly amusing watching you and Jrk, both professing Christians, throwing pies at each other like a couple clowns, it is apparent that you both have competing, yet failed views of science. Jrk ignores science to reconcile his Young Earth view, and you take random pieces of science and loosely associate it to some scriptural reference to reconcile your Old Earth view.

But, more to the point. You state that, "In addition, the very fact that light travels at a constant is proof of God's existence." It would then follow, by your reconing, that if the speed of light were not constant, then God does not exist.

OK, I hate to bring this matter up because if I show you that the speed of light is not constant, that gives the apologetical types ammunition for their opposition to astronomy where they try to show that c was different at some time; but in the interest of fairness I will tell you a little known secret that the evil scientists do not want you to know.

Right at this moment, and every other moment since the Big Bang, light travels at varying speeds. Where you claim that the speed of c is proof that God exists, the scientists know that because light travels at different sppeds, that proves that God does, in fact, exist.

I suppose you are literally dying in anticipation of how this can be, and I am greatly tempted to not let this cat out of the bag, but, even though an athiest, I don't think it is fair that the scientists keep this secret any longer. I know that by rvealing this I may put my life in jeopardy.

It was a grand coincidence that this secret was passed on to me, but here is how it happened.
One day a little over a year ago I was travelling from a meeting in Cleveland and rather than staying around for the evening to catch some strip clubs down on the flats, I headed east for home. I was getting hungry so I stopped at a Piggly Wiggly convenience store and got a Slurpy and a Hot Dog with mustard and onions. I was setting in my car enjoying those gastronomical delights when I noticed a forlorn figure sitting on the curb with his face buried in his hands. He looked up just as I popped the last bite into my mouth and the look on his face told me that he was hungry. I finished my Slurpy and as I got out of the car to go to the garbage can I could see that he was dressed in what could have been some very nice clothes in the not too distant past; nice sportcoat, w/ matching pants, white shirt and wing tip shoes.

My curiosity got the best of me and I say, "Are you OK?" "Not really," says he, "I haven't eaten anything in the last few days and I hate to beg." I say, "How about a couple hot dogs?" "sure!" says he. So i get him a couple dogs with everything I can get on them and a quart of good cold milk and went back out. I asked him to sit in the car and eat so I could see what could have caused his present condition. After he slowed down a bit in wolfing down the HDs I asked him point blank what was the cause of his plight. He gave a couple excuses but I didn't buy them and pushed on him some more. He finally responded, "I am a scientist and I have been excommunicated by the scientific community because I have found evidence for the existence of God."

I immediately asked him a couple qualifying questions to acertain the veracity of his statement and found him to very knowledable, beyond belief. That's when I tried to act very nonchalant, like I didn't really care, but anyhoo, "what exactly is this evidence?"

He expalined that he held PhDs in Physics and astronomy and he had formulated equations that show the spped of light is variable. Of course I was beside myself in anticipation of what the equation might be. He responded that they had confiscated all his writings and had injected him with something that took away a lot of his memory, but the equations showed that when light goes into a black hole, the gravity is so great that the light packets actually exceeded c and streatched into dimensional space-time unit of energy that God originally created to make the singularity from which the big bang erupted.

Conversely, he stated that it is already well known that light cannot escape the gravity of a black hole, so light created inside a black hole never actually reaches c. It is a lot slower trying to get out of a black hole but much faster entering a black hole. It then becomes obvious that God created the univese right next to a black hole, thus the value of c was many magnitudes faster at the time of creation.

He then quickley drained the quart of milk and explained that he did not want to be responsible for anything that might happen to me so he would have to leave, and just that fast he jumped out and disappeared around the corner of the Piggly Wiggly. But, the last thing he said as he went out the door is he stopped dead for just a second and said that this would be breaking wide open in the very near future.

With that, you might understand why I have abandoned my strong atheism for my root agnosticism for now, and depending on what comes out about this in the near future....put it this way, I have dusted off my bible in anticipation of any news.

I know our conversations have been rather contentious at times, but I still wanted to help you out in any way I can.

Respectfully submitted,
The Frogster


  1. I thought scientists were partial to fish sandwiches...

  2. It's a wonderful story and well written for a blog post, but it would help if you summarized your message for us (me).

  3. Quasar,
    "[Insert relativity here.]"

    Yes, for now, but once my hypoteneuse about the speed of light being variable is proven, you won't need relativity anymore.
    Mark my words.

  4. Kaitlyn,
    I am merely trying to show Vera that she is very close to being totally correct about her theory.

  5. "Yes, for now, but once my hypoteneuse about the speed of light being variable is proven, you won't need relativity anymore."

    I'm having trouble distinguishing reality from parody. I'm assuming it's all parody.

    "Hypoteneuse" is deliberate, right?

    And you did get what I meant about relativity (specifically, how it relates to the speed of light around black holes), right?

  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

  7. Quasar,
    From this time henceforth, always remember; if you get the joke, which you did I think, you get to be part of it.
    Actually I was just trying to scam Vera like I have done before but since the last time I burned her she's wary.


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