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Thursday, October 30, 2008

Lulu of the Week: Nothing Fails Like Prayer


Thanks to Wonkette.com for the pic and the link to this only-in-America story:

Prayer Needed for Global Economies

By Ivorie Anthony
The 700 Club
CBN.com WALL STREET

In January of this year, Cindy Jacobs was in a worship service when the Lord spoke to her, “Cindy, the strongman over America doesn’t live in Washington, DC – the strongman lives in New York City! Call My people to pray for the economy.”

This word so shook Cindy; she knew she had to call the people of God to converge on New York City the week of October 29 for an emergency prayer rally to cry out against economic collapse in the midst of shaking.

The Lord further said, “October 29 was Black Tuesday, the day the stock market crashed, and Satan wants to do it again.” We must be proactive in prayer. At the beginning of the year many intercessors began to hear from the Lord that without divine intervention, a major shaking was coming to Wall Street....

In early August in her prayer time Cindy heard the Lord say, “There will be no more business as usual.”

Little did she know the scope of what this meant on a worldwide scale. God is on the move. She and many others have taken this as a major point of intercession. She believes that just as there came a time when God judged the gods of Egypt, He is now judging the god of mammon. Nations are standing on the cusp of history that will determine their course for generations to come. God is judging the ideologies of nations. He is moving to put the fear of the Lord not only on His church; but upon the nations of the world.

For these and other reasons Cindy is calling for a Day of Prayer for the World’s Economies on Wednesday, October 29, 2008. They are calling for prayer for the stock markets, banks, and financial institutions of the world on the date the stock market crashed in 1929. They are meeting at the New York Stock Exchange, the Federal Reserve Bank, and its 12 principal branches around the US that day....

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Riiiight. 'Cause prayer has worked so well to date.

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EDIT: And of course PZ Myers caught this one and made it much funnier.


12 comments:

  1. It's only fair. We forget, of course, that God has to pay child support too. If you have an illegitimate son then the courts tend to side with the mother, be she virgin or not. If the markets collapse, God's pension evaporates, and where does that leave poor little Jesus? Canned soup, that's where.

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  2. Given the Golden Calf thing in Exodus, don't these people feel even the slightest sense of irony?

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  3. Stew, LOL. Also, they're praying to the non-productive end of the critter.

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  4. You know what Cindy needs?

    Cindy needs this.

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  5. I still don't understand the idea of god telling this women to have all these people pray. Does this mean that god can't do it himself and these people are endowed with a magic power that will change things, or god will not do anything about it until he sees enough people begging him to fix things? Either way, it tells us a lot about these people and their god.

    They want god to take on the role of regulating the banking industry, instead of working toward a solution ourselves.

    It reminds me of irresponsible adults who keep getting themselves into trouble and go to their parents to bail them out every time. Instead of nipping the issue at the bud and getting their own act together, they just rely on others to do it for them. While they continue to repeat the same childish behavior, the rest of the adults just grow up, cut the apron strings and take charge of their own lives.

    Word is Bond!
    ~Atomic Chimp

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  6. Why are you people scoffing?

    Cindy Jacobs has two doctorates. One is her Doctor of Divinity from Christian International in Santa Rosa Beach, FL., and the other from the Asian Theological Association for her work with unreached peoples.

    It says right in her website that-

    Cindy Jacobs is a respected prophet who travels the world ministering not only to crowds of people, but to heads of nations. Perhaps her greatest ministry is to world influencers who seek her prophetic advice.

    If it says so on her website it has to be true, doesn't it?

    Just because she has delusions that God is telling her what to do to fix the economy, and that she claims that God has told her specifically about Satan's plans, is hardly a reason to write her off as just another idiotic religious whackjob full of complete bullshit.

    But it's a good starting point.

    Scoff away at this loon and anyone ignorant enough to believe a word she says.

    BTW- the security word for this post is ro stock e.
    Wow - is that prophetic, or what?

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  7. New Rule:
    Don't call a prophet 'respected' until they have at least 60% of their prophecies actually comes true - and only if they're specific. Otherwise you're going to earn the moniker 'respected gullible fool'.

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  8. "Cindy Jacobs has two doctorates. "
    How many doctorates do you have Ben Franklin?

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  9. Given the Golden Calf thing in Exodus, don't these people feel even the slightest sense of irony?

    That's EXACTLY what I was about to write before I read the other comments.

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  10. mrfreethinker-

    I was just looking at the website of that little religious diploma mill she got her doctorate from, Christian International in Santa Rosa Beach, FL.

    You too can get a doctorate there for the low, low price of $4,280 as shown in the current fee schedule.

    Of course, to achieve the consummate knowlege of economic theory as has Cindy "Bullshitter" Jacobs, you would have to take their elective course

    -APS544 Financial Miracles & Apostolic Prophetic Wealth - 3 credits, $220

    Now, if you really wanted to round out that educational crown of a doctorate, you would also have to supplement your study with CI's course: Angelology, and the complementary course: Demonology.
    Both are 3 credits, $220 per course.

    I have an MBA from Hofstra University.

    Cindy Jacobs has biblically based doctorates of devine douchebaggery.
    Diplomas such as that are worthless pieces of crap.

    Whereas I was taught to "think", she was simply taught to "believe".

    What do you "think"?

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  11. http://digitalcuttlefish.blogspot.com/2008/10/more-bull.html

    Aaannnddd The Digital Cuttlefish rhymes it outta the park:

    The photograph is worth a laugh--
    They're praying at a golden calf?
    It might be nice if they'd think twice
    And offer it a sacrifice!

    The Ba'al Street Journal, in its turn'll
    Publish all their acts infernal.

    Hmm... you think The Giver can deliver
    And maybe part the Hudson River?
    Give a sign that all is fine
    And part of His proposed design--

    That banks will bail and markets fail
    And senators will go to jail
    All by God's hand, just as He planned
    And these folks just don't understand?

    By logic's rules we learned in schools
    The best bet is... these folks are fools.

    ReplyDelete

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