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Sunday, October 19, 2008

I started a collection...

Yesterday we have been at a wedding. A christian one. We were a group of six atheists, spanning the range from "I don't really care about religion" to "what a complete bullshit".
We all like the couple, even her, although she is a christian (new apostolic to make it worse...) but we had a hard time to keep us from laughing. Especially when we heard the priest (or however they call these people in this cult) speak about the special relation the groom had with god. The only thing special about that relation is that it is completely absent. He must have twisted a lot to be able to marry her the way she wanted...
Another funny thing was the picture he used to describe god. He compared god with a lighthouse that is a guidance to ships on the ocean of life. He talked about it eloquently for ten minutes and completely ignored that lighthouses don't work on their own but are controlled by humans.
Well, it never helps to streach an allegory too far, but it reminded me of another farfetched one which I've heard at another wedding (I only go to church for weddings and funerals, so no surprise there)
That time the priest talked for half an eternity about his old grey car (old VW beetle) called "Jumbo" and just shortly before I died of surpressed laughter, he finished with comparing god and the bible with a gas station. Lovely.
So, yesterday, I decided to make a collection about:
God is...

Until now, I have
-God is a gas station
-God is a lighthouse

There are pretty much of these allegories in the bible, but I wonder if you could give me some from your personal experience...


  1. It's been a while since I heard the story, but my sister-in-law was telling me one time about a wedding where the priest talked about Urkel and how he said "I've fallen and I can't get up." I don't remember the context, but in what context could you possibly say that nnd not be a loon?

    (And in case you're wondering - no, it wasn't Urkel who said that. It was a commercial for some life-alert bracelet or something like that. The guy couldn't even get his stupid reference right.)

  2. I always wonder about the shepherd analogy too. It totally ignores the reason the shepherd cares for his flock so much. Because, he's going to raise them and take them to the market, sell them for some cash, and the person who bought the sheep will make lamb burgers. Maybe God has some "To Serve Man" purpose. If so, then the anoalogy makes perfect sense.

  3. Ray's materials always emphasizes that God is a parachute. You must wear him...

    I'm not sure if my mind is playing tricks on me, but I think there's a comic strip where a guy skins Jesus, wears his skin and wonders why nothing happens.

  4. I am late to the party, but I would like to add something I heard yesterday. I had to go to church because it was my grandfather's 91st birthday.

    The preacher said we needed to "please god with our mouth" it took a lot of control to not bust out laughing.


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