I started a collection...

Yesterday we have been at a wedding. A christian one. We were a group of six atheists, spanning the range from "I don't really care about religion" to "what a complete bullshit".
We all like the couple, even her, although she is a christian (new apostolic to make it worse...) but we had a hard time to keep us from laughing. Especially when we heard the priest (or however they call these people in this cult) speak about the special relation the groom had with god. The only thing special about that relation is that it is completely absent. He must have twisted a lot to be able to marry her the way she wanted...
Another funny thing was the picture he used to describe god. He compared god with a lighthouse that is a guidance to ships on the ocean of life. He talked about it eloquently for ten minutes and completely ignored that lighthouses don't work on their own but are controlled by humans.
Well, it never helps to streach an allegory too far, but it reminded me of another farfetched one which I've heard at another wedding (I only go to church for weddings and funerals, so no surprise there)
That time the priest talked for half an eternity about his old grey car (old VW beetle) called "Jumbo" and just shortly before I died of surpressed laughter, he finished with comparing god and the bible with a gas station. Lovely.
So, yesterday, I decided to make a collection about:
God is...

Until now, I have
-God is a gas station
-God is a lighthouse

There are pretty much of these allegories in the bible, but I wonder if you could give me some from your personal experience...