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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

To All of You out there that Love Me

As many of you know, I have had a life-long interest in becoming a Haruspex. Most of you are more familiar with the modern day labels of "Haruspicy," " Hepatoscopy," or, the ever popular "Hepatomancy."

Whatever term you choose, I have a group of accomplished Haruspexes that are willing to subsidize my further education. That will cover about one half of the cost of the course of study (not including the corpses.)

I am sure that I would not be presumptuous to ask you all for a bit of ching to help me out on this, right? Good. That being settled, I'll put a little donation calendar at the end of this communication and, also a very gratified and smiling picture of ME! dale! You can post this on your kitchen bulletin board so your kids can sacrifice a pittance for your your beloved friend, dale. Right? Thanks!! luv ya!

Love, Love, Love **send money** Love,

Signed,
Joshua S. Black
Ray Comfort

P.S.
If you have any expired pets, you could also further "my" cause by pacing them in Dry Ice and ship them Secind Day Air to the address at the conclusion of this comment. Thank you for your cooperation in advance.

22 comments:

  1. I forgot to say that All of you out there that Do Not love Me, I hope you sprain your ankle.

    (I actually wrote that because "ankle" is the funniest word ever invented, if you know what I mean....just look at it....I guess it's just me.

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  2. ***dale forgot the ending "parenth*** Don't send this to my Mom, she was an English teacher...How I suffered!

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  3. At first, I thought that one of our own here was trolling for money. I was worried that I would have to be a Raytractortractor!

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  4. Only if you make a calendar with you on it reminding me every morning, afternoon, and night to end you money because this is the most legit thing ever!

    ...no seriously, you actually sound more legit than ray and joshua.

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  5. Hey Lance,
    You and my Mom have a someting in common. English Teachers. The most vile creatures on the planet. There seems to be no wiggle room with you and your ilk (sorry Mom,)
    But suffice to say they I will send her over there to kick your ass if you ever need it. k.

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  6. Had to look it up.

    Eeeeeewwwwwww.

    I'm sure I could have made it through the second half of my life without this knowledge.

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  7. How do you feel about abortion? That's apropos of nothing in your post, but shit, it happened again, and to our very Tripping Monkey:

    Michelle blabbed:

    I have the same thoughts towards atheists defending abortion... Abortion is still murder, no matter how you try to dress it up.

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  8. Ranting,

    Thank you for your kind words. This is a repectable endeavor that I am trying to espouse here, and you are one of the few that seem to be taking me seriously. It's a cruel world out there.

    So, I can hook you up and provide you with some road-kill if you want to proceed. I do have my Opusum belt, you know. As soon as I recieve your check, I'll read some entrails so you will know the whereabouts of your afterlife.

    Love, and Love, dale

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  9. Michelle also said:

    Your unwillingness to read something in context shows that you really don't care learn anything.

    What's funny is that none of the Raynaics makes a contextual defense of the Bible's advocacy of rape...they just use the "read it in context" gambit as a way to dismiss the issue.

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  10. Geoff said...
    How do you feel about abortion?

    ---------------------------------

    Well, from a Haruspex's point of view, fetuses are nothing; too underdeveloped to be a useful tool.

    But, in my personal opinion, and since I am a guy, I have this feeling, from all my years, and they are considerable, that I have never had to deal with this in my immediate family.

    I thereby take the position that the female is the one who takes total posession of the concieved embryo, and I will respect their decision on how to continue.

    We all know this is a societal decision that is still being decided, and I totally don't know what I feel about it, except my oldest daughter adopted a baby virtually out of a crack house in Philly twelve years ago, and he is one of my favorite of nine grandchildren.

    There are also other things that I am not decided about. But you hit a sweet spot, and thanks, /d

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  11. English Teachers. The most vile creatures on the planet.

    Those are both sentence fragments.

    : D

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  12. SEE! There is my proof! Thanks to Lance, the Nazi english guy, hmpff.

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  13. Lance,
    And how do you account for that admonishment? Who made that sentence fragment rule? God?

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  14. OK, Lance. You wanna play hard ball? Hmmmm? What do you think about excessive use of commas?
    My Mom said better to use too many ,,, than not enough.

    (She also said a handful of semi-colons should last a lifetime.)

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  15. ****dale, thinking, "If I would have merely replaced that period with a comma, I would have escaped this ridicule!"****

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  16. No Dale! You've gone to far to rethink it now. Keep. Going.

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  17. To think that a post like that one would have effected a discussion on grammar.

    Sorry, just had to throw in the obscure use of affect vs effect

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  18. Sorry, just had to throw in the obscure use of affect vs effect

    No period? Welcome!

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  19. OCD Spasms. Will not be able to sleep now until 4 am. Need periods and commas.

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  20. RantingNo period? Welcome!


    Well of course not, it's not that time of the month...

    ...then again, being a guy, do I have a "that time of the month?" hmmm....

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  21. And how do you account for that admonishment? Who made that sentence fragment rule? God?

    What else?

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  22. Mac,
    You said,
    "Sorry, just had to throw in the obscure use of affect vs effect."

    That's OK. It had no affect on me.

    ReplyDelete

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