In response to smikes "new species of Atheist" post I thought I'd throw up this.
Ray Comfort is what happens when you put a bible, a banana and the circumcised foreskins of lots of good God-fearin Christians into a vat of amniotic fluid and throw the switch.
Now I know we all like to create Christians fundamentalists in the lab, they are after all the simplest form of life. Not nearly as tricky as say a bacterium, but there are some hazards involved. There really is nothing quite as hilarious as giving your newly created fundie a bible and a copy of playboy at the same time and even just prodding a creationist with a stick can be fun. Still, there are dangers. A Christian fundamentalist is for eternity you know, not just for Christmas. Careless scientists flush unwanted fundamentalists down the toilet and before you know it they have built a ministry out of pure shit. This has been going on for some time now which might explain the rash of fundamentalists that have been climbing out of sewers to peddle crap. The result is that rational people are now having to out and hunt down these fundies. If you feel like doing you part, here are some guidelines to make your fundie hunt a safe and enjoyable experience.
- Fudies are impervious to reason or logic. You may need to deploy vapid sloganeering to slow them down and get their attention
- When throwing points at fundies, you may need to repeat yourself many times. Those thick forehead ridges can take quite a lot of work to get past.
- Fundies can be dangerous when cornered. They will lash out with arguments so weak, they may leave you temporarily speechless and in rare cases you may even black out momentarily.
- Fundies are not afraid to use blatant stupidity. In fact, they regularly display stupidity that goes way beyond the limits of common decency. This is as intellectually dirty as it gets. If you are not properly prepared they will rapidly drain you patience. Patience shortages are the principle cause of fundie hunt related injuries.
- Fundies will inevitable go to ground or ‘go to bible’ being the official fundie hunting term. They will launch slavos of biblical passages which, while harmless for the most part, can cause irritation around the brain area. This can offer some of the most fun elements of a fundie hunt though. Lobbing a well placed bible verse back at the fundie usually results in hilarious excuse making, squirming and meaning twisting on a scale rarely witnesses in other settings.
- Remember what you are dealing with. Fudies can make great pets but never forget that they are essentially feral in nature. If they had the power they would probably kill you and everyone like you. Lone fundies are a curiosity, but in large numbers they can erode the foundations of democracy and freedom. Be extra vigilant for signs of fundie activity in or around government buildings or places of education. If you work in an abortion clinic be extra careful. The ‘killer’ or ‘Leviticized' species of fundie have been know to nest near these types of facilities. A can of fundie repellant is usually sufficient to deal with most infestations but if the infestation appears to be national in nature, this may call for the application of large amounts of education. Children are especially vulnerable to infection by fundies. Critical thinking though has been found to be a very effective inoculant.
- Lastly, remember to have fun! Doing your pest control duty doesn’t have to be boring!