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Wednesday, October 8, 2008

"I'm tired of these motherfucking Christians on this motherfucking plane!"

Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Plane Speaking

I sat next to an intellectual on a plane recently. He was involved in the financial side of a well-known national corporation. I knew that he was pretty intelligent when I asked him a few question, just to fill in time and he answered them correctly. The first was, “How many U.S. Presidents are not buried in the United States? There are four. They are Jimmy Carter, George Bush Senior, George Bush Junior and Bill Clinton (although time will change the answer). The second was "What was the highest mountain on earth, before Mount Everest was discovered?" He knew that it was Mount Everest. It's always been the highest. He was one sharp cookie.

When I asked Joe what he thought happens after someone dies, he said that he wasn’t an atheist, but he didn’t believe in an afterlife. There was no Heaven and no Hell. So was that the end of the conversation? Where can it go if someone doesn’t believe in Heaven or Hell? There is a way. The conversation went like this:

"Joe, let’s surmise that there is a Heaven. Do you think that you are good enough to go there? Do you think that you are a good person?"
"I’m a very good person."
"Let’s go through some of the Commandments to see if you are, and if you will make it to Heaven. How many lies have you told in your life?"
It turned out that he was a liar, a thief, a blasphemer, and he had committed adultery in his heart many times. I explained the cross, the necessity of repentance and faith, and thanked him for listening to me.

About thirty minutes later he started up the conversation again:
"I have a question for you. Why is it that Christianity says that people from all other religions are going to Hell?"
"All other religions are what are called 'work-righteousness' religions. They think that they have to do something to earn everlasting life. The Muslim prays five times a day, fasts, etc.. The Hindu fasts, prays, lies on beds of nails, etc. The thing that changes the equation is God’s Law. It shows us that we are not simply unfortunate human beings trying to make our way through this life, but that we are wicked criminals in the sight of a holy God. So our 'good' works suddenly are not good works, but are actually attempts to bribe the Judge of the Universe. And the Bible warns that "the sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord." He will not be bribed. But in Christianity, God provided a way for all humanity--the Muslim, the Hindu, the Buddhist, the Jew and the Gentile to be saved. The offer of everlasting life is come by the mercy of the Judge--as a free gift. It is universal--'whosoever will,' may come."

Joe thought for a moment, and said,
"I don’t accept that. It seems unfair to me that it is exclusive."
"You mean that Jesus said that He was the only way to God?"
"Do you think that Christianity is 'intolerant?'"
"Yes, I do."
"So you are being intolerant of Christianity? You are doing what you are accusing Christianity of doing. Being intolerant."
"No, no, not at all. I was just wondering..."

For the next hour or so, Joe had many questions. He listened thoughtfully, and took a "What Hollywood Believes" CD, and a copy of The Way of the Master New Testament. At the end of the flight he then thanked me for the conversation, and said that he had learned a lot.

When he said that he didn’t believe in Heaven and Hell it seemed like a dead end. So, if someone doesn’t believe, surmise with them for a moment. Have them imagine that there's a Heaven (it's easy if you try), and it will open up a door to their heart. Always remember that you are dealing with those that the Bible says are blind. You want them to know that there is another world, so speak to their God-given imagination, and that will given you the opportunity to speak to their God-given conscience.

Posted by Ray Comfort on 10/08/2008 08:36:00 AM 24 comments

I'll take the snakes.


  1. What really bothered me about that was not so much the story itself; it may or may not have happened, and I wouldn't care either way.

    It was the use of the typical code phrase: "open up the door to their heart".

    What he really meant was "convince them of the veracity of my Biblical interpretation". I hate that fundamentals are so unwilling to be honest with themselves, let alone the people they're trying tp preach to.

  2. On the story, I think it's just more of Comfort's anecdotal bullshit. Could be wrong, but he'd have to prove it to me. And of course, "intellectual" is a dirty word. And I'm waiting to be accused of hating Christians because I made a joke using a movie.

  3. Comforts post was worth it simply because it spawned the title for this post.

    I admit, I laughed. :D

  4. This story is told from Ray Comfort's perspective. I'd love to hear what the other guy had to say about this encounter. :)

  5. I "like" this part:

    "So you are being intolerant of Christianity? You are doing what you are accusing Christianity of doing. Being intolerant."

    Dear everyone,

    Being opposed to intolerant bullshit is not, of itself, "intolerant."

  6. Good lord... I'm thinking I should just retire my Poe already. This seriously keeps happening, I'll say something ridiculous to exaggerate Comfort's fundamentalism, and then someone else goes and says the same thing in all sincerity. "Christianity is the only true faith, and its not intolerant to call the others lies." "A-hyup-hyup, what he said." Is there even hypothetically anything that could be said these numbskulls wouldnt latch onto at this point? "Jesus shot Kennedy from the grassy knoll, causing the Jews to blow up WTC Tower 2 with Thermite to fain justification of their professed disbelief in Christ." The sloppy fuck's it gonna take for them to say "Whoa there..."?

  7. It reminded me of the story Kent Hovind used to tell all the time of the Professor he talked to on the airplane. I believe both stories are bull shit.

    Just like his story about the guy at the movie theater, that reeked of bull shit and ego to me.

  8. I was sat next to a pious man on a plane recently. He's a fairly well known leader of the catholic church. I knew he was fairly intelligent because he was doing the crossword.

    So there the pope was, sat right next to me and chewing on the end of his pencil and he turns to me and says, "What's a four letter word for a woman that ends in u-n-t?"

    I sat there and thought about it for a bit, I could think of one word, but I couldn't say that to the pope! Luckily, I thought of another.

    "Aunt. I believe the word you are looking for is Aunt." I said.

    "Of course!" says the pope. "Have you got an eraser?"

  9. This story is told as if it really happened to Ray Comfort. What kind of an idiot would get on a plane and start riddling his seat mate? If that how Ray starts conversations with strangers he must be worse off than I thought.

    I'm pretty sure I've heard some version of this story before, I just wish I could find it.

    This annoys me as it is another example of blurring the truth. I have no problem believing Ray tries to convert everyone he meets even on an airplane, but come on! He had to be making up 90% of the story, which I actually think he cribbed from someone else. Who talks like that?

  10. Mr Smith-

    Popes don't need erasers, they do crossword puzzles in ink, after all, they are infallable.

  11. Rays' message is, if there are no teens around you may have to witness to someone with more intelligence and life experience than a 16 year old. This can be determined with a couple cheesy riddles. Don't be intimidated.

    If the person counters with reasoned arguments, ignore them and plow through. Don't forget to purchase plenty of WOTM swag you can dump on them after you've thoroughly annoyed them. Remember, on airplanes you have a captive audience. You also get gold stars from jesus.

  12. Ray's apparent gage of intelligence is whether or not you can answer two questions from the home version of "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader".

    If this actually happened, the dude more than likely threw his copies of "What Hollywood Believes" and "Way of the Jester" in the trashcan next to baggage claim.


    Rufus, I spit my coffee all over my monitor this morning when I read your comment at Ray's. Awesome way to start the day!

  13. Well, I knew if accurately reflected Samuel L. Jackson over there it wouldn't be allowed through, except by accident.

  14. What kind of person sits on a plane and starts asking trick questions to people...oh wait, this is Ray...

  15. Pathetic. It's the same story he always tells, just exchanging the person and setting. Soemtimes he emphasizes their youth, sometimes their intelligence, or he makes them 'wors-Christians', whatever.
    His point is to convince people to witness as much as possible by using the materials he provides and sells. His stories are supposed to give the impression that he has a lot of success with this method - which is exactly the method he advertises in his other media (kudos to Terry for pointing us to them so persistently in the past).
    It's a mirror image of the confidence building courses personal trainers use (and sell with huge profits). Show them a method, show them how successful you are using that method on videos, express that your method is better than anyone else's, and then sell your books and DVDs to them on the way out. All for their success off course, not your own profit.
    One thing is assured, one person will profit. For the people who buy, it doesn't make a dot of difference if that person strokes his bank account records, his ego, or his holy book, or all of those. They think they've improved something in their lives, at least until the effect wears off and they need a dose of more material. That's why all those 'Ultimate and Complete Guides to a Happy and Successful Life' have sequels coming out every year or two. Not so Ultimate after all.
    Postpone the outcome to 'after death', and it's that much easier to keep them hooked.

  16. that was supposed to be 'work-Christians' above.

  17. Ray doesn't need to convert a single person to Christianity to be or feel successful, or convert a single 'false convert' to his idea of Christianity.
    All he needs are more people willing to witness and take up ministry - inevitably keeping the snowball rolling and the media selling.


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