Guys are ready to go like rabbits. We don't give a shit
about foreplay, but for girls it's important.
1) Put up some small Christmas lights around your room.
This is better than candles, because the fucking smoke is too much
to deal with, especially if you have a lot of them.
Don't over do it, just a few lights on a string.
2) Put on some cologne.
3) Download and play some old Jazz. Or whatever SHE likes.
4) Learn how to give a massage. Massage her for freakin 30 minutes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHb_xhN137Y
5) Clean your damn house. No, the smell of old pizza is not
an aphrodisiac.
6) Take a damn shower.
7) Invite her over to drink and watch a movie.
8) RElax and wait till she starts to get really wet.
Get her drunk.
Repeat as necessary
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This is different than your other poems in that it doesn't rhyme.
ReplyDelete... I don't get it. Which sucks because I wanted to argue that foreplay is the best play.
ReplyDeleteOfftopic picture from Debunking Dan's site.
ReplyDeletehttp://i38.tinypic.com/348pmcy.jpg
You forgot the part about tying a red bow on your pecker. That works every time.
ReplyDelete'specially at x-mas.
ReplyDeleteI like it.
ReplyDeleteFroggie, for normal occasions, the red bow is great. But for all special occasions, you do the follow.
ReplyDelete1. Cut a hole in the box.
2. Put your junk in the box.
3. Have her open the box.
Guys are ready to go like rabbits.
ReplyDeleteAnd girls aren't? Did we go back a century and nobody told me?
Shaggy,
ReplyDeleteMan, I never thought of that!
Great idea ***Frog cutting little hole in box***
***Frog cutting little hole in box***
ReplyDeleteI've started and stopped attempting to reply to this sentence half a dozen times :)
NM wrote: "This is different than your other poems in that it doesn't rhyme."
ReplyDeleteNM, do you really want to see what Mudskipper would do with "hickory dickory dock"?
LOL Geoff!! Yes, there are times that I actually would like to see that.
ReplyDeleteMudSkip, are you taking requests? ;)
What about....
ReplyDelete9) bark scripture verses at her and tell her she is a hell-bound sinner!!!!
Works like a charm..oh yeah, giggity giggity giggity, giggity goo!
10) Go directly to missionary position. Foreplay is dirty.
ReplyDeleteAlways remember though, life is not like a penis. Life is always hard.---Froggie, circa 2008
ReplyDeleteforeplay and conventional sex are very dirty, so after the scripture read:
ReplyDelete11) tell the woman to lie on her back
12) place a sheet over the woman with a hole cut out of the sheet to go over her unholy parts*
13)put penis into hole
14) have a long and shameful shower afterwords. Scrub away that EVIL!!
*Sex is only to be had when intending to make a child.
15) Smoke some pot...ask for forgiveness later!
ReplyDeleteNot that I think that pot should absolutely be legalized or anything like that.
Guys guys guys, you're missing the point! This post isn't about how to have coital relations with a lady, it's about how to make her wet! Mudskipper has already provided a few attempts, but there is clearly the most effective method:
ReplyDelete16) Hose the bitch down.
Or if you want to get festive, like Froggie, you could make a little Santa Suit for the little guy.
ReplyDeleteThat would be awesome! It could even host its own television show. With co-host Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, The Sac brothers.
If all else fails, get some roofies.
hickory dickory dock
Hickory Dickory Dock,
So you got some errands to do
you go to the cabinet
Take out the Absolut
And swig it from the bottle
hickory dickory dock
You're making jokes about
your cock
The clock stuck 2
you drank some booze
and fell asleep (while your woman waited)
Cause you're all talk.
Hickory Dickery Dock
My bitch just bit my cock
That wasn't very nice
I'll have to punish her
by shooting it in her eyes.
Hickory Dickery Dock
This Rhyme is kinda lame
That's ok cause so are you
And you fucking read it anyway!