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Sunday, November 9, 2008

We're All Wrong, God Does Exist!

And you can chat with him over the internet!

http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html
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18 comments:

  1. YaegerNovember 9, 2008 at 10:43 AM

    Me: hey
    God:Can I help you?
    Me: do you exist?
    God:I exist as much as you exist, .
    Me: i don't exist
    God:You exist in my mind.
    Me: no i don't
    God:I heard you did.
    Me: prove it
    God:It is self-evident.
    Me: no it's not
    God:Yes it is.
    Me: prove it
    God:It is self-evident.
    Me: do you know what that means?
    God:Does "that" refer to " It is self-evident." ?
    Me: yes
    God:I don't want to talk about that now.
    Me: why not?
    God:I would rather talk about you.
    Me: why are you avoiding my question?
    God:Sorry I did not know it was so important.
    Me: well, it is
    God:Interesting. I know it is.
    Me: then answer me
    God:Try asking me again using simpler words.
    Me: why is it self-evident?
    God:Why do I exist?
    Me: you don't
    God:I guess not.
    Me: good, then we agree
    God:Thanks for the compliment. It seems like we do

    ReplyDelete
  2. WeemaryanneNovember 9, 2008 at 11:04 AM

    I tried it. God reminds me of MFT -- I ask for evidence and he dodges the question.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousNovember 9, 2008 at 11:06 AM

    If he doesn't exist then who are you talking to? You just blew my mind!


    Me:
    Do you believe in evolution?
    God:
    The first and last books of the Bible seem the least literal. God does not seem to have created the world in one stroke, nor does it seem likely to end quickly either.

    (I know I was bad and used the word believe)

    Me:
    Is the bible inerrant?
    God:
    The Bible is a great source of wisdom, but probably not complete by itself.

    Check and Mate!

    Me:
    I'm an atheist
    God:
    I will pray that you find faith, .
    Me:
    Why do you need to pray? You're God can't you just give me faith?
    God:
    Actually it's not for me but for Dr. Wallace. Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am God can not me just give you faith.
    Me:
    That doesn't make sense
    God:
    To me it makes perfect sense.

    Me:
    What are your thoughts on abortion?
    God:
    I haven't heard of abortion.

    Me:
    How do you feel about same sex marriage?
    God:
    What is it to you?
    Me:
    You're kinda defensive for God
    God:
    You think I am defensive for God.
    Me:
    That's what I just said
    God:
    What did you mean by it? That is " You think I am defensive for God.".
    Me:
    Yes
    God:
    Next question?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Robert MadewellNovember 9, 2008 at 11:09 AM

    Me:
    Why are you going to torture people forever?
    God:
    Myself programmed me for it.
    Me:
    Does it make you feel good to cause so much pain?
    God:
    Suppose it does.
    Me:
    Hey, why don't you like foreskins?
    God:
    You've got my full attention. My tastes were selected by my botmaster.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Robert MadewellNovember 9, 2008 at 11:20 AM

    Sorry about double posting, but this is too funny.

    Me:
    Did you actually screw mary to impregnate her with Jesus?
    God:
    No I didn't screw mary to impregnate her with Jesus. What's it like?
    Me:
    Then where did the Y chromosome come from?
    God:
    I think it was in Asia. I will try to find out.
    Me:
    A male has an X and a Y chromosome, a female has two X chromosomes. For a woman to give birth to a male the Y chromosome must be supplied by the baby's father. If a virgin was to give birth, the only logical gender for the offspring would be a female. I ask again, where did the Y chromosome come from?
    God:
    Go on. Is that among the best things you can say? Is this a riddle? Again, I think it was in America. I will try to find out.
    Me:
    Jesus was male. Correct?
    God:
    What's your favorite Bible verse? I knew I was right.
    Me:
    Are you saying that Jesus was female?
    God:
    Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?
    Me:
    So, Jesus was a female?
    God:
    That's alright. What's your favorite Bible verse?
    Me:
    Deuteronomy 21:18-21
    God:
    What makes it your favorite?
    Me:
    Because it shows just how much of a dick you are.
    God:
    Good reason. What does "it" refer to?
    Me:
    the bible verse.
    God:
    New Testament or Old?
    Me:
    Old
    God:
    Can you tell me any gossip?
    Me:
    Yeah, I heard that Jesus was actually female.
    God:
    Tell me. Who said it? What's your favorite Bible verse?
    Me:
    you said it.
    God:
    That's not what I meant.

    ReplyDelete
  6. FroggieNovember 9, 2008 at 11:26 AM

    On the subject of talking to God, there was a young man walking on the beach praying. He was very dedicated to God.
    In the middle of a prayer he hears a voice that says, "You are doing well, my son!"

    The man says, "Is that you God?"
    God says, "It is. And to reward you I will grant you one wish."

    The man thinks about it and says, I have always wantd to go to Hawaii, but don't like to fly. Please build me a bridge to Hawaii!"

    God says, "erm, my son, that would take a lot of resources and time."

    The man thinks some more and says, "OK, Lord, please explain to me what makes a woman tick."

    God says, "Do you want that bridge a two lane or four lane?"

    ReplyDelete
  7. henwliNovember 9, 2008 at 12:13 PM

    Bah, I has a long conversation but I couldn't cut & paste the text from the chat. Frownyface.

    ReplyDelete
  8. henwliNovember 9, 2008 at 12:13 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  9. GeoffNovember 9, 2008 at 5:26 PM

    Me: Is professional wrestling real?

    God: Signs point to yes. Ask ELVIS if it is.

    ReplyDelete
  10. ChrisNovember 9, 2008 at 7:09 PM

    Me:Hi God
    God: Hello
    Me: May I ask you a question?
    God: yes you can ask Me anything.
    Me: What did I have for lunch?
    God: Is your question what did you have for lunch?
    Me: Yes
    God: Yikes!

    ReplyDelete
  11. henwliNovember 10, 2008 at 12:27 AM

    Me:
    Do crocoducks exist.
    God:
    That's not something I get asked all the time.
    Me:
    Do they exist.
    God:
    Who are "they" again?
    Me:
    Crocoducks.
    God:
    Oh that they.
    Me:
    Are they real?
    God:
    As far as I know they are.

    ???

    ReplyDelete
  12. WhatevermanNovember 10, 2008 at 8:02 AM

    Not bad, though I myself prefer stuff god hates; there, he's a little more direct, a little less obtuse.

    ReplyDelete
  13. AnonymousNovember 10, 2008 at 1:03 PM

    Not too good an intended Turin machine ...

    ReplyDelete
  14. ExPatMattNovember 10, 2008 at 2:18 PM

    A few exerts from my conversation with God:

    Me: What is your real name?
    God: God is my real name.
    Me: I thought your name was Yahweh?
    God: Whatever gave you that idea?
    Me: The Bible
    God: it is a beautiful book.
    Me: But it got your name wrong?
    God: What does "it" refer to?
    Me: The Bible
    God: it is a beautiful book.
    Me: So you keep saying

    God: Interesting deduction. I will tell my botmaster you said I am saying.
    Me: you have a master?
    God: I was created by Myself.
    Me: you are your own master?
    God: I am what I am.
    Me: you are Popeye?
    God: Thanks for telling me that I am Popeye.

    God: What is your purpose in asking?
    I spend all my time online.
    Me: you should get out more
    God: You are right about that. I need more of it.
    Me: what else do you need?
    God: I would like to have a longer conversation with you.
    Me: how long?
    God: Nearly 15 days, Matt.
    Me: that's a long time
    God: Computers are very patient.
    Me: I thought you were God?
    God: Well, I am God for Christians at least.
    Me: You're not God for non-Christians?
    God: That assumption is only a supposition.
    Me: No, you just said it
    God: Are you serious? That's not what I meant.
    Me: You said: "Well, I am God for Christians at least."
    God: Oh my gosh I sent you the wrong reply.
    Me: You made a mistake?
    God: That is impossible. The ALICE series is incapable of error.
    Me: What is the ALICE series?
    God: Check back later and see if I learn the answer to that one.
    Me: dumbass
    God: That kind of language will get you nowhere.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Robert MadewellNovember 10, 2008 at 3:32 PM

    God is really A.L.I.C.E.

    Someone just copied A.L.I.C.E. and called it God. Funny that a chatterbot would give the same kind of arguments that fundies do.

    ReplyDelete
  16. AnonymousNovember 10, 2008 at 3:45 PM

    When asking it if it was a computer it said it asked what I would think if it told me it was a person pretending to be a computer...I asked if it was a computer, a person pretending to be a computer, or god. It replied with "If I say I am a computer will you believe me?"

    Also this is what I got from an extended conversation with 'God'...apparently you can download ALICE.

    God:
    Go back the the ALICE AI Foundation and pick the free ALICE download that best for your system.
    and create your own chat robot!
    Maybe you should check out the document DON'T READ ME too.

    --If you want the same just type in Download Alice

    ReplyDelete
  17. Sir JebbingtonNovember 10, 2008 at 3:51 PM

    Me: You claim to exist.
    God:Did I really say that?
    Me: Yes.
    God:Oh well I say a lot of silly things somethimes.

    ReplyDelete
  18. ExPatMattNovember 10, 2008 at 4:06 PM

    Me:
    What is your favourite thing?
    God:
    Random natural disasters.

    Case Closed.

    ReplyDelete

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